This is a “part 1” because I am fairly certain I will want to write more later. But for now, this is the start of a letter to my son. My first-born (will I have a second-born?). The Fudgelet. The boy whose actual first name is quite long and meant that the cute Scrabble tiles at the knickknack store were out of the question…Here is a letter for you. You are still a few years out from reading this, and you might not feel like it, but if you ever do…
You are coming up on 4 months old. I am actually writing this while you are almost 3 months old, because you know me, and you know I like doing things early. Maybe you will be like me. You were born early after all, but so was your dad (and we know his thoughts on being early–ha!). There are definite personality traits coming through with you. You are not the most well-behaved baby, and you are not the most happy-go-lucky baby, but neither were your parents. You like to smile and laugh, but you also love love love to talk. I wonder where you got that from? *ahembothofyourparentsahem* You seem to have a bit of a prankster side. Sometimes when you are about to start eating, you will pull back, look at me, get close again, pull back, give me a small smile, get close, pull back, and laugh. People might think I’m crazy, but doesn’t that sound like a baby who is playing around?
The first month I was anxious all of the time. Ok, ok, you know me by now, and you know I get anxious easily, but seriously. You have no idea how tense I felt every minute. Would you wake up? Would you cry? When would you want food? Were you bored? I thought it would never end, and that I would always feel that way. Well, I definitely will always worry about you because that’s what parents do, but I have to admit that at some point near the end of that first month, things finally started to feel better. We knew each other better, and we had a bit of a routine. This was even when we started going out almost daily. Of course, many of the reasons I took you out was just to get you to nap.
Oh yeah, napping. Ugh. You’re not very good at it right now. I mean, sometimes you nap like a champ (1.5 hour or so), but usually I am lucky to get 45 minutes. And that’s only in the first part of the day. You really don’t like napping later in the day, even though it makes you extra cranky when it is time for bed. One of these days you will learn that I know what is best for you. And then you will still ignore me, but at least you’ll know.
Speaking of bedtime, that is the worst time of day for your dad. Your poor dad rushes home after a long day and gets to see your smiling face for just an hour or so before we have to put you to bed. This means he doesn’t get to play with you, laugh with you, take selfies with you, etc. and see you during the day like I do. He sees the pictures and videos we share, but doesn’t get to experience it as much. So, he is even more stressed than I was that first month. He worries you will never go to sleep. Maybe you’ll turn into the Walking Dead (tv show reference, but I have no idea what the show is about, oops). I try to reassure him that eventually you will be tired enough to sleep, but sometimes it really does feel like you won’t. You’re not even upset all of the time. For a good chunk you just want to talk and smile and play. We have to tell you it’s bedtime because we can see how tired your eyes are, how much you keep rubbing your face, and how you like to suck on your hand. And then there are the huge yawns.
Some moms sleep with their babies. We’ve taken a few naps together. Sometimes on the pad from the papasan chair, and a few in my bed. But in general, you prefer to be on your own. You are a wriggly kid who isn’t always interested in being held (unless it’s to get a better view). This month, you started burping on your own. All we have to do is hold you near our shoulders and you take care of the rest. You are happiest when we walk around, letting you see pictures on the walls.
Soon we will start covering our walls with your pictures. We have taken a ton, on our phones, tablets, with our cameras…you name it! You are a huge fan when we use the front-facing cameras so that you can watch your face. You will often smile and laugh at the boy who is smiling and laughing back at you. Do you know it’s your face? Or do you just agree with us that the baby is awfully cute?
I hope you’ll take some pity on us, Fudgelet, and not go too crazy with sleep regressions/etc. in the coming months, but even if you do, we’ll still love you.